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Chasing youth but getting winded

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Facing the inevitable can be difficult. Take getting older, for instance. It’s not just time working against you. There is also mother nature, and there is gravity. So many forces at play that contribute to the process, the results of which we see in what becomes the daily aging reminder rituals, e.g., the unforgiving mirror when we shave or the merciless scale that we occasionally and bravely climb onto.

Since the days of Ponce de Leon pursuing a fountain of youth, the chasing of youth has morphed into big business in the U.S. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, there were 15.6 million cosmetic procedures in 2020. The most popular five surgical procedures? The nose job is on top with 352,000 procedures performed. It is followed by eyelid surgery, facelifts, liposuction, and breast augmentation. The most common cosmetic minimally invasive procedure is Botox injections, with 4.4 million procedures performed.

The question with making alterations would be, where does one start? There are so many choices as to prioritize, figuring out what you would lift or tuck first. Would it be the eyes, those windows to our soul that end up with drooping drapes? Or the thinning hair and receding hairline? Frankly, I can’t think of any other hairy spot on my body that I would like to see transplanted on top of my head.

If you have a partner in life, the thing that you prioritize may be different than what your significant other would. I have an acquaintance who was considering a facelift. Her husband, however, had other thoughts on the matter. He suggested that there were two other key areas that perhaps should receive lift priority ahead of the face. As you can see, these are touchy subjects (no pun intended).

Surprisingly, when one looks at who is getting the cosmetic procedures, it is not those of us who are of an age when we can clearly see the writing on the wall, albeit with corrective lenses. The group getting the most work done is between 30 and 39 years old. I think it must be the initial shock of being in your thirties and seeing the signs of a face starting to sag or the appearance of a few gray hairs that feeds this notion to try to hang on to youth.

Just when you think you are gaining ground, your neck is standing by ready to expose you for what age you really are. The neck is the great equalizer, showing no mercy and ready to reveal the truth. If you seriously want to invest in a way to conceal your youth, consider purchasing a line of turtleneck garments. They come made as shirts, sweaters, dresses, etc. and will go the furthest in keeping everyone guessing your true age. They will also make people wonder why you are wearing a turtleneck in the middle of July. But let’s take one problem at a time.

To paraphrase comedienne Rita Rudner, you can grow old gracefully. Or you can have facelifts until your ears meet.

The column represents the thoughts and opinions of Johnny McNally. Opinion columns are NOT the opinion of the Navasota Examiner.

Johnny McNally is Grimes County’s Best Dressed Businessman advocating for Grimes County and writes a bi-weekly column for the Navasota Examiner.