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Halt holiday crime-part 1

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I have a plan to cut crime by 1/12 or more, and it is simple and do-able. As background, recently I was watching ID TV and was disgusted at a murder that took place in December. The victim was a beautiful young lady from Texas that had moved to New York City. Big mistake, but too late now. The murderer threw her body in the woods in Pennsylvania and I was moved to tears because she laid there for a couple of years in the snow. I don’t care how dead you are, no one south of Austin should ever lie in the snow without multiple blankets. I personally would add a minimum of 5 years in prison for that insolence, and I am not being facetious.

I personally do not understand the motive for any violence whatsoever in December. Appropriate behavior for December is as follows: light-gazing, watching the Nutcracker ballet, gift-wrapping, cookie eating, tree decorating, attending appropriate holiday gatherings and the visiting of churches and synagogues. Inappropriate behavior is murder, rape, mayhem or violence toward mankind in any form.

If you are tuned into holiday traditions, there is simply no possibility that you will perpetrate violence upon individuals from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve. I know this because I, myself, begin to think about taking the red Christmas mugs with green trees and tiny white candles out of the closet. The mugs are made in Germany, which is fitting, since they are the originators of the lighted tree and Silent Night, for which I don’t give them sufficient credit. If I am honest, German stuff usually annoys me, I find the whole nation a tad rules-oriented for my Irish eccentricities. So, throwing a little affection toward Germany during the holidays is allowable. Their bacon-y potato salad is second-to-none, but that is the last accolade they receive from me. They shouldn’t have weapons, as they seem to have a penchant for thinking they know best who should survive and why.

Next are the huge boxes of decorations that remain in the back closet during the rest of the year. I have promised all of the “stuff” to various daughters-in-law and girlfriends of my sons upon my demise, if they find themselves upon my “good list” for a brief period. Quite frankly, though, it never lasts.

There are placemats and damask napkins in red and gold that have not even been used yet, since usually we just eat Christmas dinner in front of the fireplace in a state of exhaustion after making the huge feast from scratch. Anyhow, the point being is that if you are geared toward the arranging of your decorations, tidying up the house, and preparing for the holidays you will not be premeditating violence. That’s how I think, and the totally extent of my violence in December is the death of a turkey, some cranberries and pumpkins, and possibly a holly berry branch or two.

Read part two of “Halt holiday crime” in the Oct. 14 edition of The Examiner.

Paula Whiteley is a retired teacher that taught elementary school in Texas for 33 years and also taught in Japan and Mexico.